Day 33 2 February – comfort

I’m not sure how comfortable I was today, as I woke up with an extremely sore throat, aching body and slight fever. I took a additional vitamin C, drank some Panadol and off to work I went. I don’t think I was the friendliest person today towards our costumers as I spaced out several times, whishing to be in bed sleeping this horrid cold off. I really don’t like being sick, I feel completely immobilized yet I have a family to cater too. I am also a whimp when it comes to pain, the slightest throb or ache and I pop a pill, which in itself is a struggle as I HATE swallowing tablets. I try to drink a liquid where I don’t taste the pill as it slides down my throat and heaven forbid it gets stuck!

The reason for my dislike in taking tablets stems from my two suicide attempts. Both times I took an overdose of medication (anything I could find my hands on), but they were all in tablet form. Unfortunately the memory of both those days are reawakened when I tilt my head backwards to swallow a tablet. I have since mentally healed from those attempts, but my recollection on feeling empty and the darkness that surrounded me still lingers. I have not written about the second attempt yet but you can read more of this time in my life under Blank Space.

Apart from feeling unwell today, I found solitude in comfort food aka mac & cheese, and I am truly grateful for modern medicine to get me through the day.


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